How To Control Your Emotions In A Relationship

Learning how to control your emotions in a relationship is a hard skill to learn. And unfortunately, it’s also a lesson that usually only life and time can teach. In today’s world, many people are not able to cope or process their feelings in a healthy manner. 

For some people who have experienced traumas or have been hurt by other people, emotional scars can make controlling emotions even more difficult. Other people may be suffering from anxiety or depression. But there is hope, and with time and active practice of dealing with your emotional responses, you absolutely can improve the control of your emotions. 

Why Learn Emotional Management?

If you have a tendency to overreact, burst out into hysterical tears, hyperventilate, scream and yell, or have otherwise erratic reactions when experiencing an intense emotional response: chances are you have poor control over your emotions. And when you don’t have good control over that, things like a relationship, friendships tend to suffer. Even a professional relationship can be curtailed by poor emotional responses. So keep reading for some tips on how to make your emotions manageable. 

1. Remember emotions are temporary states of being

Even if you experience a particular emotion often, you have to remember that emotions and thoughts are temporary. Try to transform negative thought processes, instead of thinking: “I am so depressed,” say to yourself: “I feel depressed at this moment. Why? And how do I fix it?” Negative thoughts reinforce negative feelings, if you catch yourself thinking doomed, remember that this will pass, and you can proactively work on lifting yourself up and getting to the root of the problem. 

2. People give the energy that they receive

Something that most people tend to overlook is that when dealing with other people, we match the energy we are given in behavior. For example, when speaking to someone else in a raised voice, generally the other person will respond with either a matched or louder voice. One of the first things customer service phone representatives are taught at ADT Security is conversation and voice control. If a customer yells at you, talk back in a calm and respectful manner, and generally, people are easier to de-escalate. If you notice, most arguments with other people escalate quickly, as each person responds to what they are given.

3. Take a step back from intense situations for a moment

Sometimes you need to take a step back from situations. As a human being, you’re going to have moments when you lose your cool. It happens. But the important thing to remember is to not stay in that escalated situation. When you are losing it you will say and do things you regret. If you and the person you love have a habit of escalating to screaming and yelling at each other, are distracted from the main problem, and are too stuck on reacting to each other’s negative thoughts then nothing is going to get resolved. If you are too hot and bothered to control your reaction, then it’s time to take a break and get some space and distance. 

4. Don’t repress your emotions

The biggest misunderstanding for many people is that they think that repressing and suppressing their emotions is controlling them. This could not be further from the truth. When dampening down your emotions can cause lasting subliminal damage to your body and mind. Your feelings are important, and even if you have to step back from them for a moment, you should always be able to express how you feel when it’s appropriate. Just remember that learning how to control your emotions in a relationship does not mean invalidating and suppressing your emotions. 

5. Allow yourself to fully feel your emotions

One major problem is people tend to avoid feeling their emotions to the fullest. Intense emotional reactions, even happy or positive ones, can even manifest physical reactions in your body. Rapid heartbeat, accelerated or trouble breathing, shaking, they even can mess with your vision, blood flow, and thought process. They give out large doses of hormones, and hormones are what balance our physical and mental health. While this may be uncomfortable, and you may have to step back from the situation for a moment to control your temper, it is a vital part of controlling your emotions. If you don’t allow yourself to feel these things, you’ll never be able to fully ‘detox’ your feelings. 

6. Try to keep your stress to a minimum

While most people don’t walk around being stressed out on purpose, continuous or sudden large amounts of stress can cause even the most grounded people to have issues managing their emotions. If your relationships are the cause of a lot of stress, most likely you’re not going to have the best control over your behavior. Chances are, a lot of your emotions are secondary feelings from the source of your stress.

7. Resolve the issue

This one is obvious, but it’s also easier said than done. Resolving issues is never easy, and sometimes the solution could even be ending the relationship itself. Finding the source of your emotional outbursts is vital so that you can move forward from repetitious arguments or outbursts. If the past has affected your present, then seek therapy or other help to resolve it, if it’s unclear communication in your relationship, talk to your partner about it and get help with it. It doesn’t really matter what the cause of the emotional damage is, there’s always a reason why you have felt this way – and whether the solution is a simple conversation with someone or major action, there is always an answer.

8. Talk to a doctor

If you are able to step back from your problems and analyze your feelings and get to the root of the problem you will be able to fix whatever it is. But if you realize there is nothing in your life or relationship to cause you to have such intense emotional reactions, and natural emotional management steps aren’t working for you then it’s time to consider an unpleasant possibility: there could be something wrong. 

Whether it be a hormone imbalance, an underlying health condition, or maybe a mental illness you didn't know you had, a doctor can get to the bottom of what is going on. Sometimes medication can be a big boon. While antidepressants and anti-anxieties tend to have a bad rep, for some people they are vital for a normal functioning life. And there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, we just need a little help. It’s not really any different than a diabetic taking metformin to control their blood sugar. The only difference is that it helps you feel happier, more balanced, and have more control over your life. While it is not for everyone, for some it is the difference between a healthy happy relationship and a toxic one. 

Anger Is Normal and Healthy

It’s important to remember in today’s world that emotions are a part of us. They drive us, tell us what to do, and even sometimes help us survive. Having emotions is a vital part of living, so it’s important to accept and feel your emotions, even if they are uncomfortable. 

It’s okay to get angry. Everyone has a right to be angry – however, it’s how you manage and control your anger or angry responses that make a difference. And if you catch yourself being angry at lots of little things all the time, maybe talk to a doctor or a therapist for help.